Can someone genuinely love us and still choose to hurt us?

We often imagine Love and selfishness as opposites that cannot occupy the same heart. If someone shows us kindness, we believe their intentions must be good. If we later discover deception, manipulation, or betrayal, we begin questioning whether any of their kindness was real.

Suddenly, every beautiful memory becomes suspicious. Every encouraging word seems calculated. Every moment of affection is examined through the pain of what we now know.

But what if the truth is more complicated?

What if someone can begin a relationship with entirely selfish intentions, yet discover genuine Love along the way?

And what if that Love, although real, never becomes strong enough to overcome the selfishness that brought them there?

Consider someone who enters another person’s life seeking personal gain. Perhaps they offer encouragement, share wisdom, provide guidance, and help that person become something greater. Their original intentions may be entirely self-serving.

But relationships have a way of changing us.

Through shared experiences, struggles, laughter, and growth, something unexpected can awaken. What began as manipulation may develop into genuine affection. What began as an opportunity for personal gain may become a relationship that holds real meaning.

Yet the original selfish purpose may remain.

The person may genuinely care while continuing to deceive. They may feel compassion while making choices that cause harm. They may experience Love without allowing Love to govern their actions.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest struggles of the human experience: Love can be present without being given authority.

We see this in everyday life.

A parent may deeply love their child yet allow fear and control to determine how they raise them.

A spouse may genuinely love their partner yet allow insecurity or jealousy to damage the relationship.

A friend may care deeply about someone yet choose personal advantage when faced with a difficult decision.

Does the harm prove that Love was never there?

Not necessarily.

It may reveal that something else was given greater authority.

This doesn’t excuse harmful behavior. Love is not permission to manipulate, deceive, or mistreat another person. We can recognize the Love someone may have felt while also acknowledging the damage their choices created.

And we can establish boundaries without denying the goodness we once experienced.

Perhaps this is where our understanding of forgiveness can deepen.

When someone betrays our trust, we often feel compelled to rewrite the entire relationship. We convince ourselves that every kind gesture was false and every beautiful experience was meaningless.

But discovering someone’s darkness doesn’t erase the light we experienced through them.

The wisdom we gained remains wisdom. The encouragement that helped us grow still helped us grow. The kindness we received doesn’t automatically lose its goodness because we later discover selfish intentions behind it.

We can be grateful for what was good without pretending that what was harmful was acceptable.

And perhaps we can extend that same understanding toward ourselves.

How often have we genuinely loved someone yet allowed fear, pride, anger, or insecurity to guide our choices?

How often have we known the loving thing to do but chosen something else?

This is not evidence that Love was absent. It is an invitation to examine what we have allowed to govern us.

Yeshua taught that we recognize a tree by its fruit. Perhaps this invites us to look beyond what someone claims to feel and consider what their choices consistently produce.

Love becomes visible not simply through affection or beautiful intentions, but through the freedom, compassion, honesty, and care we bring into another person’s life.

If Love is the very nature of Father, and we are expressions of that same divine Life, then our journey is not about creating Love where none exists.

It is about awakening to the Love already present and allowing it to become the guiding principle of our lives.

Because the deepest question may not be whether Love exists within us.

The question is whether we are willing to let Love lead.

A Walk in the Garden

Think of someone whose actions have caused you pain, yet who also brought something meaningful into your life.

Can you acknowledge both truths without allowing one to erase the other?

Take a quiet moment to appreciate whatever goodness was real, while honoring the wisdom and boundaries you have gained.

And consider where fear or self-interest may sometimes speak louder than Love in your own choices.

A Seed to Carry

Love can be present in our hearts without being present in our choices. What am I allowing to lead me today?

Love’s Echo

Beloved, My Love has never been absent from you, even in the moments when fear has guided your steps. I do not ask you to deny the darkness you have encountered, but neither must you deny the light that was there. Learn from both. Let wisdom guide your discernment and Love guide your choices. For the fullness of My Love is revealed not simply in what you feel, but in how you choose to live.

Ashé (may it be so).